Is Gratitude Overrated?

Article by Michelle Pierson Young

This morning, one of the first things I did, even before I made coffee, was go into my laundry room and check on the Mallard ducklings in residence. Just two mornings ago there were no ducklings in my laundry room nor was there any plan percolating. And yet here we are.

It’s not just the ducklings that weren’t in my plans. All my life I’ve been sometimes dazed, sometimes struck dumb, and alternately dazzled by life and its weird twists and turns. “This is not what I had in mind,” I’ve thought on more than one occasion.

These are strange times, to be sure, and I’m not just talking about the ducklings. As a world community, we are gazing at an unknown horizon, often with masks on our faces and we’re wondering, “What’s next?”

If you’re like me, you’re tempted to get out what I call my “Feel Good Tool Kit,” a range of tools I use when life starts to feel weird and uncomfortable. This kit starts with my childhood go-to of Chick-O-Sticks and Diet Coke and may include other legal-for-adults substances. Now the more likely choice I make is to head straight for a gratitude practice.

It's well known in the “feel good” industry that gratitude is scientifically proven to elevate one’s mood and can trigger a bit of dopamine. Spiritually speaking, gratitude is a nod to God, The Universe, or the Collective Consciousness that says, “Hey, I’m glad to be alive. Thank you.” While gratitude is a powerful tool, its effects reach far beyond what the lowly Chick-O-Stick might provide, but the result of misusing that tool can run the gamut from irritating to unfortunate.

Let me explain.

It's a wonderful life when you’re open to the miracle of breath, beauty, and connection. Standing in the presence of Life is humbling and delightful but doing so perpetually is neither sustainable nor desirable. You are created for more. Gratitude for the sake of generating “good feels” can turn into an unhealthy coping mechanism where you think nice thoughts and end up playing an elevated game of navel gazing.

In the pursuit to feel good, forcing gratitude may give you the false idea that goals, dreams, and comforts are for those who are never satisfied. You’ll throw the ducklings out with the duck water when you judge your desires and goals to be shallow or materialistic irritating to unfortunate.

I have been guilty on more than one occasion of goading myself with, “You should be grateful for what you have,” or the more cynical, “Stop whining—most people would be more than happy in your circumstances,” when what I simply meant was, “This is great, but I didn’t quite hit the mark.”

Human beings are created to grow. To reach the mountain top of your goals can be a lofty and intoxicating height. In addition, it’s key to note that when you do meet that peak, your delight is temporary and will wain rather quickly. That’s just the way it works. When you judge what to some might seem like a lack of gratitude, you may be tempted to imagine you’re a lone, insatiable traveler of the world; you are ungrateful and may never feel “complete.” But that is the illusion.

If you don’t like where you are, move. You’re not a tree.

To reach new heights is cause for joyous celebration. And knowing that each celebration is temporary and the natural order, is too soon ask, “What’s next?” in delicious anticipation, this is not the sign of an insatiable soul, but of a curious traveler, an explorer, a seeker of truths and a soul in gratitude.

Before the pandemic and well preceding quarantine, you and I—everyone—encountered disappointments. Perhaps it was a divorce from the love of your life, or an unexpected loss of something or someone precious to you. Betrayal and loss are inevitable parts of life. Using gratitude when also feeling sad, sometimes lonely, longing and hunger enables healthy mourning—even as you look ahead and hunger for the “more” for which you were created.

Knowing disappointments, losses, and longings are important ingredients to be honored, mourned and used, it is then you are inspired to create more of what you love. In gratitude.

Feeling a little inconvenienced about the motherless ducklings in my laundry room is a reasonable feeling. This is not what I had in mind and honestly those cute little puffballs are keeping me from some of the things I did have planned. This is a truth.

Another truth is that there are ducklings to keep alive in my laundry room. The little ones in our family will be delighted and I am truly in a state of excited curiosity. I’ve yet had the pleasure of giving time and attention to something wild and being a part of the growth. There is so much to be learned and cherished in the little things.

Gratitude is a go-to, and that’s OK. But using it along with all the other emotions makes everything sweeter can inspire you to your next new height.

Over her 30-year career, Michelle Pierson Young earned certifications in multiple coaching programs. She also produces presentations, teaches, and coaches men and women towards their goals. She’s especially grateful for her husband Aaron, their four children, and six grandchildren. www.michelleyoungcoaching.com